You know you’ve got a teenager in the house when…..


Happy Christmas and Merry New Year.

Oh hang on, that is so last week.

Now, some of you may be wondering if you have a teenager in residence, or simply a very tall and articulate toddler. Next time you are unsure whether you have a teenager in residence or not, please consult our easy guide.

You know you’ve got a teenager in the house when…

  • There are no crisps
  • All your good nail varnishes have gone
  • Ditto your hairspray and your second best eye liner
  • And your money
  • There are adult-sized people in the house with child faces. They are very polite, but they have eaten all the crisps.
  • Someone is singing the theme from Titanic in the shower
  • And has been doing so for at least half an hour
  • Someone who loves you is telling you that they hate you
  • You hear the words Do I have to?, I’m not your slave and Have you tried turning it off and then turning it back on again? several times a day
  • Your car has a full booking system even though you have not officially qualified as a taxi driver
  • Despite sitting in one place on their laptop all the time their bedroom will be will very messy.
  • And is never tidied. Ever
  • And even when they claim to have tidied their room it looks exactly the same.
  • They ring the doorbell EVERY DAY even though they have their own key.
  • They pop off at a moments notice.
  • Everything you say has to be repeated twice. No one was listening either time.
  • The chocolate has a habit of disappearing. It’ll be in the same place as the crisps.


El and Jae
Teenagers frighten us, even though one of us is one…

January 7, 2014. Tags: . Funnies, Random wisdoms. 1 comment.

What are teenagers interested in?

Jae has noticed that there is a lot of Miley Cyrus in the media.

Miley Cyrus licking a hammer.

People are worried that she’s a bad influence on teenagers.

But do teenagers pay any attention to Miley Cyrus? Are we in danger of an outbreak of hammer licking?

Let’s ask one.

A teenager, not a hammer.

El, are you and the teenagers you know influenced by Miley Cyrus?

We really really don’t like her. There are probably some who do, but we think that she’s stupid and attention seeking and the only good thing about her are the silly parodies of Wreaking Ball. The hammer licking and the nudity was NOT NECESSARY DEAR LORD!

If I told you I was Team Sinead, would that mean anything?


~~time passes~~
Oh, now that Jae has explained it I realised what she meant, I thought it was two characters from Game of Thrones that Jae had shipped or something. But yes Sinead is awesome and Miley Cyrus is stupid. TEAM SINEAD FOR LIFE!
Oh dear, Jae doesn’t know what shipping is. It’s when you want two characters to be in a relationSHIP (get it?) of any kind. You can ship characters, people and even inanimate objects (for example I ship me and chocolate).

So what are teenagers interested in?

Depends on the kind of teenager. But me and my nerdy friends are quite into YouTube.

Also Doctor Who. And Sherlock. Also Harry Potter.

We also have really weird conversations.

Weird conversations are what makes life worth living at any age.


El & Jae
Weirdo chat dot com

November 7, 2013. Tags: . Random wisdoms. Leave a comment.

Teenager Translation


El has now been a teenager for 6 months. Jae has been parent to a teenager for a similar amount of time. In fact, eerily enough, it’s the same time.

Are you mystified as to why your teenager behaves or talks as they do? Allow us to explain:

TEEN SAYS:   I hate you!!!!

TEEN MEANS:  I am angry with you/your decisions and I mistake that for hating you.  

TEEN SAYS: I love you

TEEN MEANS: I love you/I want something. 

TEEN SAYS: You’re so mean!!!!

TEEN MEANS: You don’t give me things! You don’t let me do what I want! I am not your main priority! 

TEEN SAYS: Go away

TEEN MEANS:  Stay to prove you love me. The more I say it, the more I need proof. 

TEEN SAYS: Of course I’ve done my homework. Duh-uh!

TEEN MEANS: This depends on teen. If teen is nerd then teen means: Yes/I will but I want to do it without you nagging. If teen is not nerd then teen means: I’ll do it tomorrow/will tell teacher my printer broke and give it in next lesson. 

TEEN SAYS: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!! (usually accompanied by flapping hand movements around face)


TEEN SAYS: *eyeroll*

TEEN MEANS: Your stupidity amazes me. 

TEEN SAYS: Mu-uuuuummmmm!!!/Da-aaaaaaaadddd!!!

TEEN MEANS: Paaaaaaaaaareeeeeent. I neeeeeed youuuuuuuu. A thing has arisen and I’m annoyed and you are neeeeeeeedeeeeeed!!!!

We hope this is of assistance in your teenage translationals.

El & Jae


June 27, 2013. Tags: . Random wisdoms. 1 comment.

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