Help! There’s a teacher in my pub!

At the end of my street there is a pub. It’s a very nice pub and children are allowed in there until eight. I have been going there since I’ve lived near it and Eye has been going there since he was born. We tend to go every Friday or Saturday and it’s a little treat for us all. Every single time I get chips. Chippy chips. Mmmmmm lovely.

But recently things have been a little annoying. Because my old teachers have been in the pub. My old school is extremely close to my house which is even closer to the pub. So (I can only assume) after a hard weeks work they have gone down to the pub for a pint and a chat. Unfortunately for me. Well it’s nice to see them and all just as long as they don’t see you. Then it just gets awkward.

Don’t get me wrong. I quite enjoy seeing my old music teacher riding away on a moped as I come home from Hogwarts, my year 6 teacher sitting next to my old RE teacher in a table I myself have enjoyed many a family meal my and old year 5 teacher ordering a pint.

It’s just that when they see you then you are forced to talk to them. Going back to my old school and having a good chat would be lovely.

But talking to them out of school. With your parents there.

Awkward. So awkward. So amazingly awkward. And embarrassing.

So teachers I still miss your teachings. You were great and interesting. It’s not just you, my old teachers that I have not really talked to for about a year.

Recently I was in town with some friends who are not in my current school. Then I saw my Maths and occasional Science teacher. In the summer holidays. I wasn’t aware that they were friends. Needless to say I grabbed my friends and shoved them into a baking shop.

Those teachers no longer teach me.

Teachers it’s not that’s you. It’s because it’s out of school. Don’t take it personally. You were great. I miss everything about that school. But, teachers I don’t think you belong out of school. Perhaps you should sleep in school like the Krillitanes in Doctor Who. Don’t get me wrong. Those teachers were amazing. But I don’t deal well with awkwardness. So please teachers, socialise far far away from your pupils.

I hope they don’t read this.


September 16, 2012. Tags: , . Rants. Leave a comment.

For anybody starting secondary school this week

When Jae was at secondary school, it was a bit rubbish. Now El is at secondary school and it’s better (mostly). We have been thinking about the whole starting school business and this is our advice:

If you see someone on their own, say hi or smile or give some friendly vibes
Sometimes being friendly is the biggest gift you can give. Give it out and it will come back to you. But don’t be too friendly like a stalker because that will creep people out.

If you’re thinking a mean thought about someone, keep it to yourself
If you wouldn’t say it to their face, don’t say it behind their back. And even then, sometimes you don’t need to say it. Just push that nastiness out your head!

If people are being mean to you, it’s not the end of the world
Everybody has tough times in their life. If your tough times are happening at school then the good news is that at least you’ve got your tough times over and done with early. It’ll all get better from here. (Probably.)

Talk to someone new as often as you can
Don’t just stick to the same groups. There are cool people all around you, but you won’t know unless you say hello.

Don’t worry so much about fitting in
We know that fitting in is a big deal at school, but sometimes not fitting in is something to be proud of too. The thing about being an outsider is: there are a lot more people on the outside than on the in.

El says:
If you get put in a group in class with somone you don’t know then this is a great opportunity to make a new friend. Or if one of your old friends makes a new one then get to know them. Oh and do your homework.

Do you have a tip for people starting back to school? Are you starting back to school? Leave a comment, even if you’ve never been to school!

September 3, 2012. Tags: , , . Random wisdoms, Top Tips. 1 comment.

How to get through the last boring hour of school

Is it home time yet?

The last hour of school is soooooooo loooooooong. It’s like time stretches out and it lasts longer than all the previous hours put together. Here is how to get through it without exploding:

  • El’s granny used to be a teacher and she once got through the last hour by getting all the kids to think of songs about bells until the bell rang.
  • If not imagine that you could levitate the teacher and send them whizzing around the classroom.
  • Stare at somone for ages. You can do this whether you’re a teacher or a kid.
  • Try not think about penguins
  • Draw a pie chart on your hand and colour in the pieces until the end. Make sure they are equal though.
  • Count backwards from 60 to zero, one number every minute
  • Get Doctor Who to take you in his Tardis directly to home time. Also he could take you all through time and space on the way and you would still be home in time for tea.
  • Write a song in hour head. Here’s the first line to start you off: I’ve got the last hour of school bluuuuuues. Even though I’m wearing regulation shooooeeeees etc
  • Concentrate on growing your hair. Look how much lovely and longer it is when a whole hour has passed. Also if you have nits you can pass the time by getting them to crawl across your fingers.
  • Actually listen to what the teacher is saying. It might be interesting.*


And if none of that works and you are still all sadface about the last hour of school – Ask yourself – is being a teacher the right profession for you?


*don’t blame us if it’s not


Jae & El 🙂
Is it 3pm yet?

May 2, 2012. Tags: , , , , . Top Tips. Leave a comment.

Top 10 things to do for free in the school holidays

Are you bored of half term yet? Have you run out of cash? Here is our handy guide to things you can do for free in the school holidays:

  • Stare at people and try to read their minds and freak them out a bit.
  • Edit a newspaper. You will need a black marker for this.

    New, improved version

  • Steal/borrow an iPhone and play some games. Fruit Ninja and Dragonvale are both good free games.
  • Make weird, moany noises just for the heck of it.
  • Just stay in bed all day. Make sure you have books and snacks nearby, or a slave to bring them to you.
  • Talk to a toddler, preferably one you know. Every thing they say is really sweet, plus their parents will be grateful to you for occupying them.
  • Stroke a cat until he gets annoyed, then run for your life.
  • Go into an Apple store and play on all the stuff, then leave without buying anything
  • Do your homework (this is the nuclear option, only to be done in the most extreme cases of boredom).
  • Tidy your bedroom (see above)

El & Jae.

February 15, 2012. Tags: , , , , , . Top Tips. 2 comments.

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