You know you’ve got a teenager in the house when…..

teen-wolf

Happy Christmas and Merry New Year.

Oh hang on, that is so last week.

Now, some of you may be wondering if you have a teenager in residence, or simply a very tall and articulate toddler. Next time you are unsure whether you have a teenager in residence or not, please consult our easy guide.

You know you’ve got a teenager in the house when…

  • There are no crisps
  • All your good nail varnishes have gone
  • Ditto your hairspray and your second best eye liner
  • And your money
  • There are adult-sized people in the house with child faces. They are very polite, but they have eaten all the crisps.
  • Someone is singing the theme from Titanic in the shower
  • And has been doing so for at least half an hour
  • Someone who loves you is telling you that they hate you
  • You hear the words Do I have to?, I’m not your slave and Have you tried turning it off and then turning it back on again? several times a day
  • Your car has a full booking system even though you have not officially qualified as a taxi driver
  • Despite sitting in one place on their laptop all the time their bedroom will be will very messy.
  • And is never tidied. Ever
  • And even when they claim to have tidied their room it looks exactly the same.
  • They ring the doorbell EVERY DAY even though they have their own key.
  • They pop off at a moments notice.
  • Everything you say has to be repeated twice. No one was listening either time.
  • The chocolate has a habit of disappearing. It’ll be in the same place as the crisps.

 

El and Jae
Teenagers frighten us, even though one of us is one…

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January 7, 2014. Tags: . Funnies, Random wisdoms. 1 comment.

What are teenagers interested in?

Jae has noticed that there is a lot of Miley Cyrus in the media.

Miley Cyrus licking a hammer.

People are worried that she’s a bad influence on teenagers.

But do teenagers pay any attention to Miley Cyrus? Are we in danger of an outbreak of hammer licking?

Let’s ask one.

A teenager, not a hammer.

El, are you and the teenagers you know influenced by Miley Cyrus?

We really really don’t like her. There are probably some who do, but we think that she’s stupid and attention seeking and the only good thing about her are the silly parodies of Wreaking Ball. The hammer licking and the nudity was NOT NECESSARY DEAR LORD!

If I told you I was Team Sinead, would that mean anything?

Nope.

~~time passes~~
Oh, now that Jae has explained it I realised what she meant, I thought it was two characters from Game of Thrones that Jae had shipped or something. But yes Sinead is awesome and Miley Cyrus is stupid. TEAM SINEAD FOR LIFE!
Oh dear, Jae doesn’t know what shipping is. It’s when you want two characters to be in a relationSHIP (get it?) of any kind. You can ship characters, people and even inanimate objects (for example I ship me and chocolate).

So what are teenagers interested in?

Depends on the kind of teenager. But me and my nerdy friends are quite into YouTube.

Also Doctor Who. And Sherlock. Also Harry Potter.

We also have really weird conversations.

Weird conversations are what makes life worth living at any age.

 

El & Jae
Weirdo chat dot com

November 7, 2013. Tags: . Random wisdoms. Leave a comment.

You know you’re a Doctor Who fan when…

doctor-who-baby

If we chopped you in half would it say Whovian right through your middle?

You know you’re a Doctor Who fan when

  • You wanted to name your first child Romana but it turned out to be a Davros instead
  • You don’t blink whenever you see a statue
  • You speed up when walking past a field with a scarecrow in it
  • You secretly judge people who think that Doctor Who only started with David Tennant
  • You feel like reporting people who say they don’t watch or *weeps* don’t like Doctor Who
  • Your thinking cap says Unit on it

unit-doctor-who

  • The whole of this year is based around your plans to celebrate the 50th anniversary of Doctor Who
  • You have actually tried fishfingers with custard
  • You know that fezes and bowties are cool, and bananas are good
  • During your skincare routine you screech Moisturise Me and have a right good chuckle to yourself
  • You think of Richard Dawkins as ‘That bloke who’s married to Romana’
  • You can’t pass a collander without putting it on your head and shouting EXTERMINATE
  • DITTO plungers
  • Ordinary screwdrivers are disappointing
  • You always do an Ood impression when you’re eating spaghetti
  • When your Science teacher says that all life forms are carbon based, you correct him and say that actually the Slitheen are calcium based and that’s why they explode when you throw vinegar at them. And if your Science Teacher is also a Doctor Who fan he will agree with you.
  • You’re thinking of taking vinegar for your holiday on Raxacoricofallapatorius

 

So, tell us, JUST HOW WHOVIAN ARE YOU???

 

 

 

El & Jae

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey Stuff

August 14, 2013. Tags: , . Random wisdoms. 2 comments.

Catherine of Aragon – she rules!

You might have seen some blog posts and news stories about the lack of women on UK banknotes. This is normally an honour given to people of merit. So are there really so few women of merit in UK history who deserve to be remembered?

When we were at Cybher everyone was challenged to write a blog post arguing  for a woman to be on a banknote.

El is a history FIEND and here she argues for one of her historical heroines:

CATHERINE OF ARAGON!

El likes to read a lot of historical fiction and there was a series written from the perspective of servants to all of Henry VIII’s wives. The first two books focus on Catherine Of Aragon’s struggle to marry Henry after her first husband (his older brother, Arthur) died and she was left in England, a widow. She could have gone home to Spain but she was determined to marry Prince Henry and become Queen Of England.

She had many difficulties on the way. There were dowry problems. Should the rest of it be paid now that Arthur was dead? Henry VII wanted to marry Catherine himself after the death of his wife despite the massive age difference. There were ambassador problems which left Catherine to become Spanish ambassador. She was the first female ambassador in European history.

Finally King Henry VII died and whilst he lay dying he and his  son Henry discussed important state matters and one of the things they decided on was that Henry should marry Catherine. After years of poverty, pawning her gold plate and worrying about money she was finally going to marry the man she had dreamed of.

I could go on and on and on about her role as Henry’s wife, her struggle to give him children, how she ran the country when he was away at war, how she lost a child fighting a war for him, how she learnt to accept his mistresses and how his love for her faded and how he began to hate her and changed an entire country’s religion just to get rid of her. He told her that not only was she no longer Queen but she had never been Queen. Many important men discussed whether she and Arthur had you know… done it. Her husband, the man she loved so much was leaving her for a manipulative woman who would happily see her dead.

Even that quick over view was quite long. Sorry. But just don’t get me started because I could be here forever. It’s why this blog post has been taking so long! (Sorry…) But instead I’ll skip to here end. She was left alone with just a very loyal servant, growing ever more ill, away from her husband and her only daughter. She was hated by the man she loved most and she was utterly abandoned after a life devoted to him as the Queen of England she was now just Dowager Princess. After someone asked Henry if she could move to a more comfortable castle he merely sent her to an even damper, colder castle. She eventually died aged just 50.

And what really makes me sad is that most people don’t know what she went through. All that kids at school learn about her is that she was the 1st wife of Henry VIII, she was divorced, that she gave birth to Mary I and that she couldn’t give Henry a son. That’s true but there’s so much more to her than that.

So, should we have more respect for Catherine of Aragon and give her a space on a banknote?

You can also join the #Banknotes campaign by signing the petition. There’s a post to link up to on Nixdminx blog and a #Banknotes Pinterest board where all campaign faces will be featured. You can also tweet your suggestions using the #Banknotes hashtag.

El & Jae
Priceless

July 18, 2013. Tags: . Random wisdoms, Rants. Leave a comment.

Teenager Translation

jaeneedstounderstand

El has now been a teenager for 6 months. Jae has been parent to a teenager for a similar amount of time. In fact, eerily enough, it’s the same time.

Are you mystified as to why your teenager behaves or talks as they do? Allow us to explain:

TEEN SAYS:   I hate you!!!!

TEEN MEANS:  I am angry with you/your decisions and I mistake that for hating you.  

TEEN SAYS: I love you

TEEN MEANS: I love you/I want something. 

TEEN SAYS: You’re so mean!!!!

TEEN MEANS: You don’t give me things! You don’t let me do what I want! I am not your main priority! 

TEEN SAYS: Go away

TEEN MEANS:  Stay to prove you love me. The more I say it, the more I need proof. 

TEEN SAYS: Of course I’ve done my homework. Duh-uh!

TEEN MEANS: This depends on teen. If teen is nerd then teen means: Yes/I will but I want to do it without you nagging. If teen is not nerd then teen means: I’ll do it tomorrow/will tell teacher my printer broke and give it in next lesson. 

TEEN SAYS: Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!!! (usually accompanied by flapping hand movements around face)

TEEN MEANS: I AM SUPER EXITED LISTEN LISTEN!!!!!!! A THING!!!!!! A THING!!!!!!! A THING IS HAPPENING!!!!!!!

TEEN SAYS: *eyeroll*

TEEN MEANS: Your stupidity amazes me. 

TEEN SAYS: Mu-uuuuummmmm!!!/Da-aaaaaaaadddd!!!

TEEN MEANS: Paaaaaaaaaareeeeeent. I neeeeeed youuuuuuuu. A thing has arisen and I’m annoyed and you are neeeeeeeedeeeeeed!!!!

We hope this is of assistance in your teenage translationals.

El & Jae

Teen-0-pedia

June 27, 2013. Tags: . Random wisdoms. 1 comment.

Explaining Star Trek to kids of today

star-trek-the_motion_picture_poster

Jae has been watching an old Star Trek movie on TV and El is confused! So Jae shall now attempt to explain it to El and to any readers who are also confused.

What’s with the Jumpsuits? 

That is the uniform of the crew of the Starship Enterprise. Also useful when they do Jane Fonda’s aerobics video when they’ve finished saving the galaxy.

I remember when those uniforms were introduced for the film, there was HUGE uproar because they were different from the original series. But there was no Twitter in those days so nobody took any notice.

Who’s that guy with the pointy ears and the magnificent eyebrows?

That is Spock. He is half human and half vulcan. He is a supercool guy – supposed to be emotionless but you can tell there is a bit of a twinkle in his eye. He is the original computer expert superclever geek hero. He knows everything and is full of wisdoms. When he comes to Earth he hides his pointy ears with a woolly hat. Told you he was clever.

What kind of name is Spock anyway? 

That’s Mr Spock to you, earthling. Probably normal for vulcan people. What kind of name is El anyway?

Where are they? Some kind of planet?

They are on a mission to save the galaxy. Aliens are involved but will not triumph. This is basically the plot of every Star Trek ever made. You may also know this plot from Doctor Who. You know where you are with sci fi. Except when you don’t.

I like the iPads they had earlier, wouldn’t it be funny if they were playing angry birds? 

It probably wasn’t iPads that they had, probably some sort of futuristic timey-wimey wibbly bibbly space screens. For playing Space Invaders, or Pac Man.

Lol that room is made of cardboard! 

Ooops, you noticed! To be fair, that was cutting edge in 1979. And at least it was real cardboard. Nowadays it would be computer generated cardboard.

Who’s that Captain dude?

That is Captain James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. He was like the Robert Pattinson of his time, but less vampiric and morose and with a wider choice of girlfriends. Bet you can’t guess what the T in his name stands for. 

It’s Tiberius. You will be glad of that one day in a pub quiz, in a galaxy far, far away.

Is that the Giant’s Causeway?

No, that’s a space Giant’s Causeway. You used to get one free with packets of Weetabix.

So now that El is full of Star Trek knowledge, the big question remains: Will she go to see the new Star Trek movie with Jae??????

Maybe, if there are sweets involved. 

 

 

El & Jae

Boldly going where no blogger has gone before

May 1, 2013. Tags: , . Random wisdoms, Top Tips. 2 comments.

Would you pass the Nerd test?

Have you noticed that there are lots of T shirts and other clothing in the shops which say ‘Geek’ or ‘Nerd’ on them?

Cut price nerd

Cut price nerd

We think it’s great that such things exist – who wouldn’t want to advertise their nerdiness with a jaunty slogan? Advertise to the world your love of the geek! HOWEVER this sort of clothing has now become so popular that a terrible thing has happened:

People who aren’t even Geeks are wearing Geek shirts!!!! NOOOO!!!!!

Nerd-dawg

Nerd-dawg

So if you’re not sure whether you are eligible or not, we have devised a handy quiz to help:

  • Would you prefer to lose all of your make up rather than all of your books? (Warning: some of these questions probably only apply to girls and flamboyant boys!)
  • Do you have at least two people whom you’d call friends but whom you have never actually met in person?
  • Have you read at least 10 books so far this year?
  • Do you have a blog?
  • Would you rather go play Minecraft than get your nails done?
  • Are there more computer devices than people living in your house?
  • When your teacher asks you to write what you know about the Spanish Armada (as an example) on a post it note do you mentally explode because it won’t all  fit on that tiny piece of paper? (El is speaking from a personal experience here.)
  • Do you have a minimum number of books that you will not leave the house without?
  • If someone asked you “Are you a geek/nerd?” you proudly say yes and go on to talk about your theories on why geeks shall inherit the earth!
Nerdiness can go to your head

Nerdiness can go to your head

If you can answer yes to at least two of these questions then Congratulations – you are a 100% certified Geek and may now wear a Geek or Nerd shirt.

Don’t worry if you didn’t say yes to all of them, you can still be a geek/nerd – but you will have to try a bit harder to earn the title! And remember – Geek is for Life.

happy-nerd

El & Jae
Fashion Police

March 18, 2013. Tags: , , . Random wisdoms, Rants, Top Tips. 2 comments.

A World Without Homework…

El has been dreaming of a special place.

A world….

A world without homework

world-without-homework

 

What would your world without homework contain?

 

 

El & Jae
Dreaming of paradise

March 4, 2013. Tags: , . Random wisdoms, Rants. 2 comments.

Jae’s Day Without Technology – Live Blogging

9:50 – I’ve removed the hair dryer from Jae’s room and have gathered her phone, kindle and laptop (she still has an ancient one but that’s in Eye’s room so he can watch a DVD and it shall stay there.)

9:55 – THE RULES:

  • She is allowed to use lights. 
  • No phone (mobile or otherwise)
  • She is allowed to watch TV if someone else in the room is watching it BUT she cannot turn it on, change the channel, request for a channel change or request a volume change. She cannot touch the remote.
  • No kindle (only real books!)
  • No laptop (which means I can use it all day!).
  • No hair dryer (hair is to dry naturally / towel dried)
  • No kettle (she must ask others to make her tea and if no one else is in the house she must make it on the stove).
  • No toaster (again, she must ask for it to be made)
  • Flushing the loo is DEFINITELY ALLOWED!!! As with showers!
  • The oven is allowed
  • The microwave is off-limits.
  • No radio.
  • No iron.
  • She not allowed to use the washing machine (hopefully ElDad will do it).
  • If she finds anything else that might be technology OF ANY KIND then El must be consulted IMMEDIATELY!!!
  • Rules may be added to throughout the day.
  • She is allowed to run herself a bath.

10:10 – No sign of Jae. Will go check on her.

10:15 – Jae was up and demanded tea. I’ve sent ElDad to get it. Jae informed me that she herself has done a post on today. She’d written it last night so it’s WITHIN THE RULES!

10:40 – Jae is trying to negotiate use of the hair dryer in return for washing the clothes. I have said no.

10:42 – Jae has made a sad face.

10:48 – Jae has gone for a bath.

11:59 – Jae is out of the bath and doing some stuff. She seems to be coping.

12:11 – Jae just made do the washing. ‘shudder’

12:14 – Jae had a text on her phone and I really wanted to do a silly reply but she didn’t let me… sigh…

12:21 – Jae says she is feeling frustrated. She will soon commence on ye olde walk to get ye olde paper. I shall accompany. Someone needs to keep an eye on her!

6:21 – I’m sorry I haven’t updated in AGES so I’ll give you a round up: On the walk I cycled along with Jae and we bought all we needed. Once home I baked a treacle tart and Jae did some baking too. I went out and got custard and we had tea. Jae has so far been good.

9:10 – I am in bed and am dreaming of magic unicorn children and Jae is to be left on her own tonight as ElDad is off to see a band with a artist dad of my friend. I’ve still got her stuff in my room but I can’t remove the TV so I’m a little worried. Jae has been reading a lot today and she seems peaceful and feels a bit out of touch. I would regard the day as a success. Unfortunately she’s trying to make me do it next weekend…

El.
Technological Geek

THE NEXT DAY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’M BACK.
MWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!

Jae
jae-with-chromebook

Reunited with my baby

January 27, 2013. Tags: , . Random wisdoms. 4 comments.

Sorry about the snow – it was the kids’ fault

Earlier last week, El was feeling sad.

*pauses for violins and sad cat noises*

The reason for this was because it was seeeeeriously cold, and yet there was no snow. It made us have a sad. 😦

So we started writing a post including a poem to charm the snow out of the sky (which you can’t read because it will make you cry vomit). And then the curse of homework descended and that post didn’t get finished and got left in draft.

But somehow, its magic leaked out the snows descended like magic flakes from the sky. El’s school closed early and she came home to pelt Jae with snowballs:

throwing-snowball-window

Today we read this post by Rosie Scribble where she confesses that her daughter also wished for snow.

So don’t blame the weather, or global warming or angel’s tears or any of that stuff. It was all the kids wishing for a snow day that made it happen. Wonder what else they can do??? (Raining chocolate maybe?)

El & Jae
Snow angels

 

January 21, 2013. Tags: , , . Random wisdoms, Top Tips, Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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