Gather round my children…

Hello random people!

El here which feels a bit odd, because me and Jae usually co-write things but today I felt a bit bored so I thought I might write a story or blog about something. Then I decided to combine the two and write a story for Eljae. So here it goes!

A long time ago in galaxy far far away two football teams battle it out. One team (Jedi United) was mean and nasty and used light sabers which was cheating. They chanted mean things like ‘Mr Vader, see you later, Mauly wauly, go back to Crawley’ and ‘The Sith is a myth! The Sith is a myth!’.
The other side, the Sith, were kind and gentle. They called their side, the ‘Dark’ side as a joke and their only slogan or rhyme was ‘Come to the Dark Side, We Have Cookies!’ It wasn’t strictly original but oh well it was pleasant at least. One brutal match the score was 0-0 and…

Hey wait a second! That’s just Star Wars but as a football team and switched around!  And it sounds like I was being mean to Crawley but it was the only thing I could find that rhymed with Mauly. I need to think of something original…

I have it!

Once upon a time there was a dysfunctional family that lived in the town of Springfield. The father, Homer was fat and…

Oh no! I’ve done it again! That’s the hit TV show the Simpsons. I was watching it only today! I think I’m all out of fresh ideas. Wait I’ve got one more.

Edward was a vampire. An emo vampire.

OH NO I’VE DONE IT AGAIN! WHY?!

Dreaming…

I think my brain needs a rest. I really should be going to bed. (But don’t tell Jae that. Shhhhh!)

Oh and by the way it’s my summer birthday today. Yay! It’s a little thing my Irish granddad made up and he has since left us but my Granny H got me some lovely notebooks so thanks to her! I’m very happy right now. 🙂

So long and thanks for all the fish.

El

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July 12, 2012. Tags: , , . Fiction. Leave a comment.

Murder in time for tea – a short story

This is a horror story by El, rated 12, so not suitable for anyone younger than that. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE EASILY SCARED OR PRONE TO THE CREEPS.
Note from El: I’m not sure why Jae is so scared I don’t think it’s THAT scary!

Murder in Time for Tea
My friends are dead and the murderer is still at large.

El has joined the Dark Side

I went to all of their funerals. Emily was the first, then Suzie, then Debbie and finally nerdy little Eddie. Emily’s body was found rotting in a field that me and my mother used to hike through. Suzie suffocated in an air proof cupboard at her school. Debbie was found in her home with a massive grin on her face. It seems she died laughing. Finally Eddie, in the school library, reading his book. The librarian glanced his way and his book had had page after page ripped out and stuffed in his mouth choking him, killing him.
The police inspected the bodies. Emily’s was too far dead for anything much to be found. Suzie had bruises on her arm and the police verdict was that she had been shoved, pushed, forced in. A school child prank gone too far? Or deliberate? It wasn’t clear what Debbie had been laughing at but many suspect Noel Fielding’s Luxury Comedy. Nobody should watch that show. It’s just too darn funny. Eddie clearly died in pain, with paper cutting his throat. Not a nice way to go.

Am I the next victim? If the pattern continues then it seems so. But maybe not. They were starting to exclude me, leave me out and I found it hard to make new friends. Maybe whoever decided them as its victims never noticed me. A sadistic murderer looking into a playground noting its victims, yet not seeing me, hunched up in a corner reading Black Beauty. Perhaps you would say I’m lucky.
I survived. I’m never lonely at school. Some kind soul is always there to comfort me even if I need no comfort.
Like I need their pity. I was the one who killed my friends. They were always leaving me out. One day they were huddled in a group talking to each other. I crept behind them, ready to sneak into the huddle and be included. Then I heard whispers.
“Urgh don’t you all just hate Jo?” I gasped silently. For Jo was me. Or Joanne if you would like my full name. They continued “I pretend to be nice to her but she’s such a weed! Nerdy, annoying, sneaky, snotty and she thinks I actually like her!” A silent tear slipped down my face as they all agreed. It was unclear to me as to who was saying these cutting words but that didn’t matter. They all had to go.
Emily was first and she was probably the hardest. After attempts at strangling, stabbing and hitting a combination of them killed her. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even scream. I scrunched her up in a picnic basket and discreetly dumped her as my Mother hiked ahead of me enthusiastically.
I won’t give you the details of everyone one else. I’m running out of time. The police are coming to get me. But that doesn’t matter. I’ve completed my work. Goodbye. Goodbye…

El and Jae
Don’t have nightmares!

February 25, 2012. Tags: , . Fiction. 2 comments.

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